If you remember last night, you would remember you came home late, your mascara darkening your eyes, your tears messing up your makeup. You would remember you hugged me as soon as I opened the door. You cried on my shoulders for minutes standing, until I led you to the bed.
You said you never saw it coming, you never saw it coming, you repeated, your hands outstretched like a beggar. I held you last night, to comfort you at least. You took off your clothes and stayed too long in the shower and when you finally emerged, you came out naked, your breasts staring at me. I didn’t look away and you didn’t care because you knew I don’t do girls. You sat beside me on the bed, still naked. I didn’t ask what happened, didn’t have to because you began. You said Tobi said No and I understood what the No meant; he wouldn’t marry you.
If you remember last night, you would remember you said you didn’t know what got into you, what made you propose to a man, to Tobi. But I had silently thought that whatever got into you would have gotten into anyone else for it was Tobi- blue eyed, straight, tall Tobi. Tobi who loves poetry, has a rich Dad and a cute dog. Tobi, the girls call ‘fine guy’, who smelled of Vanilla and rose water. Anyone would have done that, anyone would have proposed. But I didn’t tell you these things because last night you called Tobi a coward, a maradona, a fool, every spiteful word you knew. And I had agreed with you so would not suspect that I admired Tobi too. Perhaps you knew I did. You, my childhood friend who knew my secrets, who knew I liked men. Perhaps you knew I liked Tobi from the message I helped you compose for him on Val’s eve-
“Hope you are wearing a blue boxers tonight? It does match your eyes. And who doesn’t like a thick roll of chocolate wrapped in blue, the milky way dripping at its end? Well, I do.”
You called me naughty boy before you sent it to him but you never spoke of it again. Perhaps you knew because whenever I shake Tobi’s hands, I linger. But Tobi lingers also. You never knew that, perhaps you didn’t notice other things because you were filled with love that it blinded you. Don’t they say love is blind? I disagree. I think its the people in love that get blind.
If you remember last night, you would remember you said you knew why Tobi turned you down; he is Yoruba and you are Igbo. But I had silently thought that was not the reason but I didn’t tell you. I wish I did. I tried to but you said you wanted to be calmed. So, I massaged your neck with pure coconut oil, then your back, then your breasts. Soon, I was atop, moaning and gliding until we both lost our breaths.
We didn’t talk to each other the rest of the night but I heard your sobs, yes, I remember last night. You cried for what was lost but I didn’t turn, didn’t console you again.
I should have told you Tobi liked men also, that he would hurt you but I was happy and scared for you. I would have told you last night anyway, but last night, you came home dead.